J'ai écrit sur les murs

It's the date to summarize what I did and how I became after one year passed. One sentence is a good conclusion: I spent a part of my life to pursue my dream and I lost them.

Neither interesting things or miracle happened. Time is just going by, so on my despair and fear accumulating.

Do not show you sympathies to me. I never regret what I decided. What I fear or regret is my ability could not match my ambition. How a strike was.

I failed so many time last year. Half of confident has lost.

But anothor half of confident left. A good news, isn't it?

I registered my first company last year to support one of my projects. A self-publisher project.

I spent almost six months to finish the project. Daze of emergencies occurred. I don't want to describe the details. The result, I finished all codes by myself and exempted the project by myself.Yes, all people except me quited from the project And I did all rest things. Frustrating ? Absolutely.

A good aspect. Because the front-endpoint guy quited, I had to write page by myself. So, now I could write html , css, js codes petty good. I had learned them when I still worked in the last company but I failed. You see, the pressure and stress is always the best teacher to help you learn some things.

Full Stack Programmer ! Reading as a joke or a satire. I always think so.

The hardest thing never was how to write the project.

Communication!Marketing !sales management !Guys, I am never good of them. Really.

When I wrote a business email to contact with a author or a costumer. I dread. I afraid of all the words using in the content. Each mail I would write a draft, amended words and sentences repeatly and finally sent it to the receiver. The fear would not disappear, another fear would come on immediately — would the receiver reply me?

I sent almost 500 mails and I had 200 users.

It's good, but I don't know how to do next.

I could sale at 1000 yuan every month and revenue is 15%. How could I do next?

In December, I decided to get a new job to support my living — maybe not, possibly my confident could not support my deed.

I rest many time, sleep a lot. But still tired.

I don't like what I liked. Like I don't use Japenese to show how I difference. I don't watch animes because the others comments would make me embarrassed.

I lost my piety in programming. I choose some ways the past me would not choose.

I don't know how to do next.

I lost myself.

I feel bad and sad.

Disappointed.